iwillshieldhim | The World We Fought For [for fieryknowledge]

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The World We Fought For [for fieryknowledge]

It was oddly calm in those last moments, a peace that came over him as he fought purely on muscle memory against the massive giant trying to smash him. Somewhere behind him, he could hear Prompto, not just the sound of gun fire, but it sounded like he was screaming, over and over, as he fought. Wordless angry shouts that if he had the time to think, to care beyond second to second of just surviving, would have torn him apart. The sound of pain, of loss, of anger. He'd lost track of Ignis, always so silent, and he feared the worst. He tried to look anyway, find his love in the chaos. Make sure he was still-

Second to second, he shouldn't have looked away. The giant found its opening as Gladio's eyes scanned the wreckage, trying to spot Ignis in all of it. The fear in his heart settled when he spotted the other, still up, still fighting, even as the massive blade slammed under his guard and sent him flying to hit the ground hard. A spike of pain screamed in his shoulder, but he barely noticed.

They had turned their back on Noct to let him die, walking forward to their fates knowing they would do the same. All they had to do was hold on long enough, just long enough to let him truly become the Chosen King. Gladio had accepted what would come, and while he thought Ignis knew, in a way, he was content with this. He had protected Noct until the end. Ignis might still live.

The giant raised its blade, and try as he might, Gladio couldn't get his own blade to lift. It wouldn't be possible on that broken shoulder. He stared up at his death, then let out a breath. ...I kept my promise.

I love you, Iggy.

Let there be light.

It came across the skies like a needle thrust into the heart of the darkness itself, a shaft of light so brilliant and golden that it hurt the eyes. The giants roar hurt almost as much, stabbing into his head until he was forced to close his eyes.

unconscious

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"It was in Regis' private stores. I think he was using it to bolster his strength for as long as he could."

There was a pause as Ignis gritted his teeth at the feel of a ragged patch of skin under his fingers. Neither scar would be pretty, but this one would likely be one that even Gladio would wince at to see at first. Still, with careful patience, he managed to coax the skin back together and a bit heaver application of the potion sealed it closed. He was almost done with this part and then, just a simple clean up.

"... would you be willing to try it?"

"It was that bad at the end." Not quite a question or a statement, something flat on his lips as he tried to imagine how terrible it had been for the King, to be trying to keep up his strength enough to protect the Kingdom, his son... did they know it was coming? Had he fought at the end? They had time to prepare for their ends... had any one else?

Prompto's breath shook in his throat the feeling of Ignis' fingers when he found the worst of the tearing, where it had skipped along his jaw bone and ripped the flesh instead of slicing through. The potion's scent filled his nose, sweet and like fresh sunshine but even stronger than normal, concentrated until it almost made him want to sneeze or turn away like you would from the blinding sun.

The question, though, made him really need to think. His instant reaction was of course he would, but the latter thought was what he voiced, "why?" Not doubting, not hesitant, only honestly curious why Ignis thought he should.

Ignis suspected that Regis and Clarus knew that the treaty signing had always been a ruse. That was why they'd sent them away just in time. He couldn't bring himself to tell Prompto that Gladio had found them where they'd fallen. He likely wouldn't either. Not until it came time to ask Noctis what he wanted to do.

There was a low, soft humming from Ignis as he finished up, deft fingers tracing along the newly repaired skin. It seemed as if the potion had worked well enough to close everything like he'd wanted and it had spared Prompto some pain in the process. Before he spoke again, he handed him vial and told him to drink what potion remained in there to help any lasting damage inside and hopefully, leave him feeling a bit more refreshed.

"I'm curious to see how you respond to it. I.... can't ask Gladio."

It was okay. Really, those weren't his deaths to mourn. All he could do was to brace the two who had lost their fathers and hopefully give them the real time they needed to grieve for them. The thought that he had no idea if his own father was alive, if his father knew he was alive, came through his head.

Where Ignis' fingers traveled, it felt like his skin tingled, but that was purely from the sensitivity of the repaired skin. Prompto wasn't sure he could look in the mirror again or not; the thought made him sick, the guilt made him sicker.

"Gladio's... that against it?" Prompto asked, but he already knew the answer. Gladio had never been keen on using magic, even less than him, but if it would help Noct? "Yeah. Course I will."

But there was a long pause as a terrible though occurred to him, followed by the softest whisper, "what if drinking the whole thing let you keep seeing, Iggy?"

Prompto's question drew a soft sigh from Ignis. Against it wasn't even the extent of Gladio's dislike of the idea. Right then, he knew their disconnection was easy to see. Back in the day, Gladio would've trusted him. Sure, he'd fuss, but in the end, he would trust him. Now, he just wasn't sure.

Once he'd made certain that the fresh skin was safe enough to touch, he motioned Prompto to the sink so he could clean his face up. Better start keeping it clean now, after all.

What he didn't expect was Prompto's second question. It shook him more than he would like to admit. He'd thought about it. Let the potion drive him mad if it had to, as long as he could see again. The thought was a dangerous one and one he should deny ever thinking, but he was human enough that he couldn't.

"... I could never be so selfish. I gave my eyes for my King. I'll do so again."

Dutifully, Prompto stood up and went to the sink, but wouldn't look at himself in the mirror above it. He cleaned his face, feeling the tender flesh carefully with his fingers, then stood over the sink and let himself drip down into it, his fingers holding tight to the edges of it. "Don't ever let him hear that," Prompto whispered, just loud enough to be heard. "When- everything was happening, before-" he couldn't even say it, before Noct was taken from them, "he said something like that. That because of him, you lost your eyes, and it was too great of a price. It looked like he'd been kicked in the stomach. He loved- loves you both, like you were his mother and father, his brothers... and to see Gladio growling at him like that, and to have led you, all of us into that..."

Drip. Drip. Drip.

"I dreamed about him only once, being in that Crystal, you know? You'd think I'd had have nightmares again and again but no, just once. I dreamed I saw him, like I was trying to look through a blurry window... floating. Like a baby or something. And when I tried to call out to him, I thought I saw his head lift. I tried to tell him we were still waiting for him-" A pause, a sickly laugh, "sorry. I told him I was. Then... it felt like something slapped me awake and I was laying on the floor at the garage. Silly, huh?"

"We did our duty, but we did it out of love. That's why I would do it again and again, as long as he needed me to. That's why I won't finish off that potion and possibly regain my sight. I've lived the last decade in the dark and without Noctis. Without my family. If I can only one have back, I know which one I'd pick. Not because of him. For him."

That was the most Ignis had spoken about anything emotional in the last ten years. It left his throat feeling as raw as his chest and he huffed and pushed himself up from where he'd been perched, his hands scrubbing down his hips until he winced when his hand brushed a little too close to his own recently repaired injury.

"Not silly at all. Perhaps he truly heard you in some way."

Without my family. Prompto didn't move, his head still hung, feeling water trickle along his cheeks.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

It was easy to ignore that maybe not all of the drops were from his clean up.

"Then why- why didn't you want us back then?" His voice climbed but didn't break, managing to keep it together if only just. "Or is it just Noct you consider your family?" He didn't look up, didn't think he could see what those words were doing to either of them.

The dripping was as loud as a drum to Ignis. As loud as the thrum of his heart, when it suddenly skipped at the words that Prompto spoke. Anger rose up under his skin, fresh and hot and heady and for a moment, the same hands that were so gentle on rent skin just moments ago clenched until the knuckles were white as a sheet. Only effort and a lifetime of discipline and will kept him from launching into his friend.

His brother.

Slowly, he drew himself up again, sniffing softly as he straightened up his still pained back and slowly started to feel his way to the door.

"And I thought I was the blind one. You're the ones that kept leaving me. I never told you not to come back."

And with that, he was gone, his hand flush against the wall as he scoped his way off down the hall that wouldn't take him back to Gladio or Noctis.

"You didn't need to," Prompto said thickly to the empty room, then sat down hard on the toilet, buried his head into his hands, and let himself cry. He remembered all too well how it felt to be walled out of Ignis' warmth, even as Gladio acted like a wounded bull and left them both there. He'd tried so hard to keep them all going, to give Ignis somewhere to turn, but when he realized that he was further from them than ever? He couldn't do it anymore. So he left so it hurt a little less to keep waiting.

Gladio was waiting, his eyes on Noct as his charge slept. He looked so peaceful, never shifting or moving, with only the signs of his chest slowly moving up and down giving the real hint that he was even alive. Noct never said straight and still like this. Ever. (Ignis though...) It looked damn unnatural.

One broad hand shifted, since they were alone, and he curled his fingers around Noct's. "...come on, Princess. Can't keep sleeping on us."

The sound of Gladio's voice made him stop in the hallway. He hadn't wanted to interrupt, especially since he wasn't exactly cooled off after his discussion with Prompto. Guilt curled in his stomach and made him feel vaguely nauseous when he thought back on it. He'd spoken out of anger and hurt and while he regretted it, it was how he felt. Sure, Prompto was right in a way. He'd grown distant from his brothers and he knew it, but it was all he knew to do to keep himself from breaking apart each time they left. Soon enough, it was all too easy to be nonchalant about it all when inside, his heart fractured a little more each time.

It wasn't the first time in his life that he'd held himself behind carefully crafted walls, after all.

Instead of moving into the light of the room, he let himself lean against the wall, then slowly sink to the floor, just content to listen to Gladio trying to coax Noctis out of his slumber.

Prompto would have argued that he didn't leave. Not like Gladio did. He would go out and help on hunts, sure. He did all sorts of things they had needed of a good able body. Yet he had always come back to Ignis as soon as he could. He didn't leave because he was angry or hurt... only because he had to. Maybe that was why the rejection, or what felt like rejection, had hurt so much.

"Your little blond shadow isn't so little any more and fuck, Iggy and I are a mess." His thumb moved slowly, rubbing against the smoothness of Noct's skin. It felt like he was trying to memorize this new face that wasn't the child he remembered in his memories or even Regis when he was younger. "Think we all need you back. Don't give a shit if we stay here and you rule or give it up or whatever just-" Ignis would hear the long, slow sigh. "Just wake up."

His sigh mirrored Gladio's without thought. Ignis didn't care if Noct wanted to stay or leave. Once he was up and ready, he'd continue to follow him. That was nothing new. For now, they had to wait and there was nothing they could do about it. Sighing again, he reached up to let his head drop into his hands, absently realizing for the first time that his dark glasses were gone. Had he even had them on this whole time?

He couldn't remember.

For a moment, he remembered back to Prompto's whispered question, the thought of it still lingering in the back of his mind. It was a selfish line of thought and he knew it, but he couldn't help but think about it and before he could stop himself, he found himself laughing softly. It was all so absurd.

Gladio was right. They really were a mess.

The laugh pulled Gladio's attention away from Noct and the broadsword was in his hand a moment later. He had heard something but couldn't quite pinpoint what it was nor would it would be out in the hall. For a man of his size, he could move surprisingly quiet when he wanted to, taking slow steps towards the door and listening.

When he didn't hear anything else, he cautiously peeked into the hall before seeing Ignis sitting there, making him blink down at the other. "...Iggy?" Why are you sitting out here? Tell me that was you. What in the hells? He had only spoken openly on the thought they were alone, so a deep part of him hoped he had gone unheard.

"I don't have my glasses."

Of everything churning along in his brain, that was the thing that came out of his mouth. Long ago, he knew that Gladio didn't mind the scars on his face, nor did Prompto or Noctis. No, he wore them to keep everyone else from seeing them. He imagined children horrified by the marred skin and milky eye that was all he had left.

Yet another brick in his wall. So many things to say and that was all he said once he realized that Gladio had found him. Huffing another low, humorless laugh, he eased himself up, shaking his head.

"I think I made Prompto cry."

...Blink. Gladio stared down at Ignis in several long moments of confusion because that was about the last thing he ever would have expected. What. "What- Why does that even matter?" No one else was even here.

Then the latter statement made Gladio frown. "He's never been great at dealing with pain, Iggy." Thinking that had to be what the other meant, right? Because what would Ignis have done that would otherwise make Prompto cry.

"I didn't stitch him up. I used the potion on him. It worked."

Another shake of his head and he was walking past Gladio, his hands loose at his side. Once he was through the door, he paused, his head slowly turning as if to allow himself to reorient himself with the room. He could hear Noctis' breathing just off to his side, but he didn't go to him. Instead, he just... stood there.

"... during the long night, did I ever make it seem like I didn't want you to come back? Tell me the truth."

Then why did he make Prompto-?

The question, and the statement that followed, spoke volumes. Gladio walked forward and took a step to get himself in front of Ignis, staring into his face. "Where the hell did that come from?" Because he damn well didn't like it. Or the truth of what actually what was the answer to that question.

His hand came down on Ignis' shoulder and held there, frowning hard.

He didn't need his eyes to tell him that Gladio was watching him. His lips thinned out into a carefully crafted frown as he slowly pulled away from Gladio's hand even as he turned his head away. Another growing distance between them.

"No answer? Then that's all I need to know."

"What in the hells do you want me to say?!" Gladio felt that pull away like the drag of claws over his skin. "I didn't want to keep hurting you and no matter what I fucking did it just kept happening!" His fingers clenched hard at his side, but the other spread out in a helpless gesture.

He knew then that the distance between all of them was too great. It was easier to withdraw into himself as he had for years. He had no idea why he thought the new dawn would change anything. Now he knew better. Still, his duty remained. He would stay with Noctis no matter how wrecked his personal life was.

At least that was something he'd always been good at.

Without another word, he made his way to a nearby chair and settled himself there to wait. If Ignis had learned anything during the long night, it was patience and he would wait forever for his King. The other two would come as they wanted. They always had.

Ignis felt something different than Gladio. So very different. Even now... even if there was a distance, he still loved Ignis. He was here, he wasn't going anywhere, damn it. Just trying to do what he thought was right, to protect the people-

He had already done enough damage, maybe more than he could ever pay back.

"Watch him. ...Gonna go down to the kitchens and see if there's anything edible left down there." Because what else could he even say? It felt like Ignis had made his decision before Gladio could even make his own in the light of this new day.

But before he left the room, he looked back and frowned. "You remember what I said, when we were kids? When we were connected? ...That's never changed, you know." Then the sound of his footsteps heading out.

Ignis didn't want his protection. He wanted his love and support. He wanted to stop it hurting. He wanted to make Gladio happy but in the end, he couldn't make anyone happy. As much as he loved each of them, he just couldn't.

There was a brief nod when he heard what Gladio had in mind and for a moment, he thought that would be it. What he didn't expect was for Gladio to take the time to remind him of that moment so long ago. So many memories had dulled during the long night, but that was one was he could recall with crystal clarity. He let his mind wander back into that memory only to have it shattered by the sound of his steps leaving.

"Gladio-"

The footsteps stopped. So many times Gladio hadn't stopped, had walked out because of his own anger and fear he could no longer handle. How he didn't want to lash out with words that would have, he believed, torn them apart so much more than his leaving.

Instead he stood in the doorway, his fingers wrapping around the decorative trim so hard he could tell his knuckles were white. That day, those moments, were some of the most fond, clear memories he had, as if the Crystal had burned them into a place that was impossible for him to forget.

There was a sigh of relief when he heard those steps stop. How many times had he kept walking away? Far too many for Ignis to want to remember? But this... this gave him a hope he hadn't felt in years.

"... don't go."

Please-

"I remember everything about that day. I remember the sound of your heartbeat in my head, as loud as my own. I remember the joy. We're not who we used to be, but I've never stopped loving you. Every time you walked away, I loved you. I'm sorry if I ever made it seem like I didn't want you to come back."

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